For Sale: One of the baddest moustaches you have ever seen in your life.

Now With Try Before You Buy Action!

Description

  That's where I come in. My name is Dax and I am half Mexican. The good half. That has allowed me to grow one of the baddest most awesome moustaches anyone in Los Angeles has ever seen. In a few days, I am going to be sending my moustache -- and everything it entails -- to one very lucky bidder.

  I've been growing The Captain (that's what I've named my moustache) since December 10th of 2005. This was before I saw that show My Name is Earl, so I didn't copy that guy. Except for one trimming, the moustache has not been cut or tampered with that I know of. That means you get 100% Grade A unfettered or maligned moustache. That's hot and a good deal no matter what you're talking about!

Here are some fun facts about my moustache and things I did while sporting it that may aid your purchasing:
1. Had relations with at least one hot woman. (Awesome!)
2. Performed on Broadway in Spamalot the musical. (Totally serious!)
3. Went to a party as Magnum PI and got on the biggest radio station in LA.
4. Ate ice cream as much as possible and looked totally awesome no matter how much ice cream was in my moustache. (The Captain comes completely washed and sanitized for your pleasure.)
5. Saw opening day at Dodger stadium! (That's something for all you baseball fans! PS, the Dodgers lost. Probably because I took my moustache to a bar in the fifth inning.)
6. Slapped another man for no reason! (Woops!)
7. My sister met Adam Sandler!
8. Tried to lift a Jeep. (The Captain was not harmed in any way.)
9. Had a Cinco de Mayo party! In full Mexican regalia!
10. Watched Supertroopers!
And many more things...!

If you're wondering, my moustache would make a perfect gift for:
College students
Police men
Police women! (I do not discriminate. And neither does my moustache)
Weightlifters
European type people
Ne'er do wells

Conclusion

Extras:
I'm also including one super-awesome, hipster soul patch to give you what is known as a Musketeer for no extra charge! Use it to look like Jack Black or that dude on the Weakest Link! Or combine the two for secret powers. You think pheromones work like a charm? Wait until the ladies get a load of the Musketeer! You'll be beating them off with a +2 long staff! Nerd!

Accept no Imitations!
If you've been in the moustache buying game before, you know as well as anyone that authenticity is essential. As I mentioned before, I am half Mexican. Ever since the beginning of time, we Mexicans have been growing the finest moustaches in the universe. So bid with confidence that you are getting a grade A Mexican moustache for your hard earned money. This is not some knock-off souvenier. This moustache will last you a lifetime!

Shipping:
The moustache will be shaved (by me) and deposited into an air tight canister. For an extra $50 dollars, I will put a layer of laquer on The Captain and try to shave it so he remains intact. I guess if you're some kind of archeology weirdo that's probably the option for you. Personally I don't think moustaches should be laquered in that way, but it's your moustache now isn't it. For another additional $50, it can be shipped in a container of dry ice in order to preserve any and all mojos that remain on the hair folicles. Whatever happens then is up to you and the ladies...

Try My Moustache before you Buy!

Buying a moustache can be an overwhelming adventure! After all, you may not have ever had the pleasure of owning a moustache before or aren't sure if The Captain is your size (One size fits all!). Complete satisfaction is important to me as I'm sure you could tell by the size of my moustache. That's why I'm offering a Try Before You Buy plan and a free virtual moustache-ification evaluation to all parties interested. Simply email me a picture of yourself and I will approximate you and your new moustache induced badness as much as a pixelated image hammering into your eyeballs can handle. That way there are no surprises! Naturally, I will post the picture here so you can get a second opinion from friends, family, or super hot babes in your office on the awesomeness your potential new moustache . And so anyone with your facial dimensions (Can you say Twins?).

Important Note: You will find your real moustache experience blows away any virtual experience or anything that you could have imagined.

Thanks for enjoying my moustache. If you have any questions, please ask me.